Wiltz

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

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"He quits, not because he wants to, but because he has to. He has no choice.
" -Tom Brands 01/20/08

ISU2008

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and sh*t on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon. You do the math.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just, the Islands.

If you can think of a swear word, chances are Chuck Norris invented it while in bed with your mother.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

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[Wrestling] did nothing for comedy except for when I slammed people and thought it was funny. -Gerald Harris

Zapp Brannigan

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice.

I once saw a video of Chuck Norris having sex with my wife. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris has been dead for 15 years, the Grim Reaper just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him.

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"I've made it with a woman. Inform the men."

Tight-Waist

When Chuck Norris does push-ups his body doesnt move, the earth does.

sorry_i_win

nice topic.. I love chuck norris jokes.. lol.

tough to only name a few tho.



Here's a few from www.chuck-norris-jokes.com



Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in only one move... a roundhouse kick to the face.

They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 55 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Zapp Brannigan

They tried to rename a street in Texas after Chuck NOrris, but had to change it after locals died in mass numbers. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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"I've made it with a woman. Inform the men."

sorry_i_win

by the way, check out www.chuck-norris-jokes.com and let me know what you think.. A friend of mine actually started that site. thanks.. keep the jokes coming.. lol

The best part of waking up is not folgers in your cup... its knowing chuck norris didn't kill you in your sleep!

coolguy68

Hahaha these are really funny jokes...

wrestle_ta

i checked his site and all of you were right.. haha his jokes are hilarious.. hahaha. .

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I have my wrestling idols on my wall.

Gripsnhips

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story; Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

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"Ok Class. Today we will learn 'downward dog' to 'full bring'