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Thread: Women never learn....

  1. #1

    Default Women never learn....

    Score one for the male species!


    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

    We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping (now we're talking, girls...) at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

    I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that girl knows I'm smarter than her.
    I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out to a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!

    Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Women never learn....

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    Curtis Chenoweth
    wannabe national champ headed to a new home:walkman:

  3. #3
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Women never learn....

    Night no. 1 was bad enough, but after pulling that switcheroo in the department store..........you may not git it ever again.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Women never learn....

    As if a man would ever waste that much time shopping...

  5. #5
    Olympic Champ
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    Default Re: Women never learn....

    You're right. It would take an extraordinary effort to spend that much time in a department store. It could even bring a man to tears, or, at the least, turn him into a certified curmudgeon.

  6. #6
    Mayor of Bringsburg homerdindon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Women never learn....

    I always get a laugh out of this story.
    "Now class, I'd like for you to transition from downward dog....straight to FULL BRING!!!"

  7. #7

    Default Re: Women never learn....

    I agree with blue.
    Champions are made while no one is watching.

  8. #8
    Mayor of Bringsburg homerdindon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Women never learn....

    If it was a true story, it would be well worth hours of shopping torture to see the look on the girlfriend's face though.
    "Now class, I'd like for you to transition from downward dog....straight to FULL BRING!!!"

  9. #9

    Default Re: Women never learn....

    Quote Originally Posted by homerdindon View Post
    If it was a true story, it would be well worth hours of shopping torture to see the look on the girlfriend's face though.
    it's not a true story? don't tell RYou...
    Super 32 Challenge - October 26-27, 2013

    "Good things happen when you wrestle for a full seven minutes." -- Jayson Ness, post-finals press conference

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