I stole these and added some of my own enjoy!!
1. This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys, nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?
2. No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells". You know, deck them halls and all that stuff. No, no, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells". You know, Santa Claus, and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe... and presents for pretty girls...
3. We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
4. Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
5. It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...
6. Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.
7. It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.
8. Happy birthday! Hey, I said my first words. But... But snowmen can't talk. Ha ha ha, come on now, what's the joke? Could I really be alive?
9. If I live to be 100, I'll never forget that big snow storm a couple of years ago. The weather closed in and, well you might not believe it, but the world almost missed Christmas. Oh, excuse me, call me Sam. What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a talking snowman before?
10. Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease.
11. It's Christmas Eve. It's-it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.
12. Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles.
13. A gentle smile often breeds a kick in the pants.
14. Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?
15. You see, Mrs. Walker, this is quite an opportunity for me. For the past 50 years or so I've been getting more and more worried about Christmas. Seems we're all so busy trying to beat the other fellow in making things go faster and look shinier and cost less that Christmas and I are sort of getting lost in the shuffle.
16. I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's forty-five minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
17. You're skipping Christmas! Isn't that against the law?
18. "No, you are a hallucination brought about by alcohol ? Russian vodka poisoned by Chernobyl."
19. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Chanukah.
20. Well, well, Mrs. Claus. How's your husband doing? Out doing another commercial for my brother?