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  1. #1
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Politically Correct Joke Thread

    ...a/k/a non-denominational or sectrarian

    A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

    When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

    Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

    Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said,'You must be in the 5th grade.'

    'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, 'but I appreciate your help.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator UGLY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Politically Correct Joke Thread

    This is edgy. I may have to delete it if it gets too PC.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Politically Correct Joke Thread

    A guy walks into a bar and says "Ow, who put that bar there?"
    There's no such thing as a pretty good aligator wrestler.

  4. #4
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Politically Correct Joke Thread

    NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND....

    I promise, you'll get a few chuckles.

    These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district.

    Spellings have been left intact.


    1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. PLease execute him.

    2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

    3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

    4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

    5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

    6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

    7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

    8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

    9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

    10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

    11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had the shits.

    12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

    13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

    14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

    15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

    16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday.. We thought it was sunday.

    17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

    18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.. She spent a weekend with the marines.

    19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

    20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

    21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

    22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

    23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever a sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.


    Maybe this is why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Politically Correct Joke Thread

    Heathrow Police Nab Five In Gay Joke Ring Sting


    SHARP-EYED officials with HM Customs arrested five foreign nationals disguised as homosexuals at Heathrow this morning in what they termed the "largest international gay joke smuggling bust in UK history." The haul include over 300 one-liners, 120 insults, 18 prop gags, and what was described as "a detailed instruction manual for effeminate mincing."

    Police declined to release the identities of those apprehended but said they include two Americans, an Australian, a Canadian, and a French poodle.

    "The damage this contraband japery could have inflicted on the self-esteem of the British gay community is incalculable," said Liam Green, a spokesman for HM Customs' Hate Humour Trafficking Task Force, who estimated the street value of the haul at over ?30.

    "Unfortunately the recent legislation in Parliament has failed to stem the tide in international homosexual joke smuggling," said Green, who added that Customs has increased wisecrack interdiction efforts at British airports and harbors. PM Gordon Brown recently announced funding for high-speed Coast Guard interceptor boats to battle an influx of pansy puns from Germany along the North Sea's notorious "Backdoor Alley" derogatory gay joke shipping lanes. A separate front in the war against jokes has been aimed at combating trafficking from Columbia's notorious Puto Cartel.

    "Our staff faces a difficult task, because these smugglers can be quite devious and clever," said Green. "Working the joke vice squad takes vigilance, communication and quick wits, which I am happy to say helped us this morning."

    Green commended the work of Heathrow Customs officers Andy Evans and Naresh Patel who discovered the illegal joke cache during a routine early morning inspection of passengers arriving on a BA flight from New York.

    "There were these two men come to me station, draped all over each uvva, 'oohhh, hello sailor,' and all like 'at, nuffing suspicious," said Evans. "The I looked in the one's Gucci bag and it had a false bottom. When I investigated furva, I discovva me a stash of cut up words."

    At a separate checkpoint, Patel made a similar discovery when checking the poodle cage of the other two men, who claimed to be pre-op transexuals on their way to Sweden. Sensing a conspiracy, officials took all four and the poodle into custody.

    "The detainees at first denied any complicity. But when our detectives rearranged the words they formed the phrase, 'how do you get four poofs on a bar stool? Turn it upside down.' That's when we handcuffed them," explained Green. A subsequent search of the culprits' baggage yielded hundreds of additional homophobic anagrams.

    The alleged conspirators remain in custody and are expected to face charges of offensive quip trafficking under the Customs Act. If convicted they face up to 20 years of prison, sensitivity training, and metrosexual makeovers. Graham Smith, a public defender appointed to represent the men and their poodle, attributed the incident to a "misunderstanding."

    "The evidence will soon show that these illegal jokes were planted on my clients without their knowledge," said Smith, reading a prepared statement. "They were simply the unwitting innocent mules in a plot by unknown hate comedy conspirators, and are as offended by the jokes as anyone. In fact, my clients will be producing videotaped evidence this very evening to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they themselves are gay. We appeal to the public for leads to the real culprits, and donations of Vaseline."

    Green said that the surprise pinch had opened up a new alleys in their widening probe of the dark underside of London's illegal gay joke dens. Among those said to be under investigation is Vito Whilby, impresario of the West End's 'Chuckleberries' comedy club and long rumoured to be kingpin of the UK's offensive humour trade.

    "It's all bollocks," said an angry Whilby outside his flat this afternoon. "I'm a legitimate businessman what runs a clean, respectable licensed club, see, and I won't stand for the poof jokes. We keep our punchlines strictly legal, against the Anglicans."

  6. #6

    Default Re: Politically Correct Joke Thread

    this has to warm Banbasketball's heart!! A politically correct joke thread. hallelulajah!!
    "When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."

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