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Thread: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread

  1. #10

    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread II

    Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says, "did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim, "No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
    O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
    They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says "Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
    O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
    Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says, "Yes may I help you?"
    Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says, "Are you the widow O'Hara?"
    To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
    Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "Shite you aint."

  2. #11

    Default Irish Joke Threads

    The one in here and the other one, wherever it is are back open for business.

    Carry on.

  3. #12

    Default Re: Irish Joke Threads

    Quote Originally Posted by JensenS View Post
    The one in here and the other one, wherever it is are back open for business.

    Carry on.
    Thank you!

  4. #13

    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by ban basketball View Post
    Why don't you take that crap somewhere where people want to read stereotypes? I hear that bigot.com will welcome ethnic joke threads.

    Wow! Nice to see that our country is progressing, eh, folks?
    Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?""That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...""Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...""Sure and I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?""It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinnesss Stout and drowned.""Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?""Well, no Brenda......no.""No?""Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

  5. #14

    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread

    Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
    "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
    "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
    "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
    "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
    "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
    "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

  6. #15

    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread

    Schlottke may not like this one!


    Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".

  7. #16

    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread

    Now the Irish have a new clinic for those who want to stop smoking. It's called Nicotine's Anonymous. If you get the urge to smoke, you call them and they send a man over and you get drunk together

  8. #17

    Default Re: Irish Joke Threads

    BB might cry and leave the forum if you tell an irish joke.
    "When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."

  9. #18
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    Default Re: TightWaist's 2009 Politically Incorrect Irish Joke Thread II

    An Irishman is out with his friends and has a little too much to drink and pukes all over his shirt. He's promised his wife that he's on the wagon and doesn't know what he will tell her when he gets home. His friend puts a bill in his pocket and says: "When you get home, tell your wife you were having dinner and a drunk came over and puked on your shirt, so he gave you this money to have it cleaned.

    The drunken Irishman gets home and just as his wife lets loose on him, he tells her how he was innocently having dinner when a drunk came over and threw up on his shirt. "See," he says, "he gave me five dollars to get it cleaned."

    "But," says the wife, "That's a ten dollar bill."

    "Oh," says the Irishman, "he crapped in my pants, too."
    Atrophy: what you get when you win atournament.

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