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Thread: Sloooooow Sunday

  1. #1
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Sloooooow Tuesday

    Folks, you're leaving me no recourse other than to punish you with these insightful thoughts....

    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

    A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
    'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
    other is a husband.

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy
    replied, "I know the guy."

    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay.'

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said
    be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

    The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

    Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
    Last edited by RYou; 01-27-2009 at 10:42 AM.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  2. #2
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sloooooow Sunday

    ....so you folks will have to pay the price with the one....

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

    One of the students said to his friend: 'I'm sure he has Petry
    Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.'

    The other student says: 'No, I don't think so. The old man surely has
    Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class.'

    Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.

    They approached him and one of the students said to him: 'We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?'

    The old man said: 'I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you
    think.'

    One of the students said: 'I think it's Petry Syndrome.'

    The old man said: 'You thought......... but you are wrong.'

    Then the other student said: 'I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.'

    The old man said: 'You thought......... but you are wrong.

    So they asked him: 'Well, what do you have?'

    The old man said: 'I thought it was GAS ..... but I was wrong'.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Sloooooow Sunday

    Quote Originally Posted by ryou View Post
    ....so you folks will have to pay the price with the one....

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

    One of the students said to his friend: 'i'm sure he has petry
    syndrome. Those people walk just like that.'

    the other student says: 'no, i don't think so. The old man surely has
    zovitzki syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class.'

    since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.

    They approached him and one of the students said to him: 'we're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?'

    the old man said: 'i'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you
    think.'

    one of the students said: 'i think it's petry syndrome.'

    the old man said: 'you thought......... But you are wrong.'

    then the other student said: 'i think you have zovitzki syndrome.'

    the old man said: 'you thought......... But you are wrong.

    So they asked him: 'well, what do you have?'

    the old man said: 'i thought it was gas ..... But i was wrong'.
    rotflmao
    http://www.youtube.com/TonyAvallone
    Dad of Karissa 155lb Varsity College Freshman

  4. #4

    Default Re: Sloooooow Tuesday

    Quote Originally Posted by RYou View Post

    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
    other is a husband.
    Or, as a married male friend of mine likes to say... you can be right, or you can be happy, but you can't be both!
    Super 32 Challenge - October 26-27, 2013

    "Good things happen when you wrestle for a full seven minutes." -- Jayson Ness, post-finals press conference

  5. #5
    Ancient Arachnid Spider's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sloooooow Sunday

    Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

    The 87 year old said, ?Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.?

    So, on the way home, the 80 year old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around the lady asked if he needed any help.

    He said, ?Do you have any rye bread??

    She said, ?Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some??

    He said, ?I want 5 loaves.?

    She said, ?My goodness, 5 loaves . . . by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.?

    He replied, ?I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.?
    Atrophy: what you get when you win atournament.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Sloooooow Sunday

    A reporter was interviewing three old men and asked them what they attributed their longevity to.

    The first one said: "I have a glass of milk in the morning, a glass of milk at lunch, and a glass of milk before bed."

    The reporter asked how old he was, to which he replied "Im 87!"

    The second man said: "I have a glass of whiskey in the morning, a glass of whiskey at lunch, and a glass of whiskey before bed."

    "How old are you?"

    "95"

    The third said: "I make love to a woman in the morning, a woman at lunch time, and finally a woman before bed!"

    "How old are you?"

    "31"
    "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!?

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