Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven
MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national
championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim
Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend
directly into heaven.
Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-
hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman
winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the
podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters
"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with
cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal
"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University
of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great
honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to
clear that up right now," he continued.
"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.
"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at
the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow
announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a
blinding white light and vanished.
In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long
tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will
feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood),
re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air
personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most
Tebow-like" person in America.
"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said
a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming
down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on