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Thread: Are You smarter than . . .?

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  1. #1
    Ancient Arachnid Spider's Avatar
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    Default Are You smarter than . . .?

    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
    (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
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    'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
    --Mariah Carey
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    'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
    -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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    'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
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    'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC
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    'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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    'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
    --Al Gore, Vice President
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    'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'
    -- Dan Quayle
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    'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
    --Lee Iacocca
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    'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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    'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
    -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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    'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
    -- Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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    'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
    --Keppel Enderbery
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    'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
    their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
    Atrophy: what you get when you win atournament.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    I heard a great one on Sunday night football. John Madden was talking about someone and how they are good at stripping the ball from the offense and he stated...

    "He's one of the best strippers in the NFL"
    I will smash your face into a car windshield and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out to a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!

    Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    Quote Originally Posted by Spider View Post

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    'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC
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    Yup, that's why I feel so good about driving to work everyday....
    "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!?

  4. #4
    NCAA Champ WhippetGrappler's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?


    Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
    - Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel


    "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
    - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President



    "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
    - Alan Minter, Boxer


    "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
    - Barbara Boxer, Senator

    "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
    - Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
    BRUTUS BUCKEYE WILL TAKE YOU DOWN...

  5. #5
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana....The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
    --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

    I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
    -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

    I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
    -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

    Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
    -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

    Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1,1976.
    -- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

    The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history....We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
    -- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust

    Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
    -- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"

    The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
    -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

    I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
    -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

    After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
    -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

    The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
    -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  6. #6
    Olympic Champ RYou's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    Signs:

    "Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays." -- On the bottom of a pizza parlor's take-out menu.

    "Parking for drive-through customers only." -- A sign at a McDonald's in California.

    "We are Handicapped - Friendly. For example, if you are blind, we will read the menu for you." -- A notice in a restaurant.

    "Eat Here - Get Gas" -- A sign at a gas station.

    "Hot drinks to take out or sit in." -- A sign on a cafe.

    "You can't beat our meat!" -- A sign on a restaurant, now closed.

    "Our Infamous Steaks" -- A sign at a restaurant in Raleigh, NC.

    "Now Hiring / Sausage Biscuits / $1" -- A sign at a McDonald's.

    "NOW HIRING / TWO FRENCH DIPS / FOR TWO DOLLARS." -- A sign at an Arby's in North Bend, Washington.

    "Please consume all food on premises." -- A sign at a Souplantation restaurant.
    Life's not the breaths you take, the breathing in and out that gets you through the day ain't what it's all about. It's the moments that take your breath away.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    ?I couldn?t find London on a map if they didn?t have the names of the countries, I swear to God. I don?t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

    ?I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That?s the closest thing I know to London. He?s black, so I?m sure he?s not from London. I?m sure that?s a coincidental name.?

    --Linebacker Channing Crowder

  8. #8

    Default Re: Are You smarter than . . .?

    "I'm not stupid, I just don't know a lot of stuff" from one of the contestants on Beauty and the Geek.
    "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!?

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