After a long night of making love, Thomas notices
a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.



He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.


'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his
ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires,
hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!'

she answers.





'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

'That's me before the surgery.'

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.



A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.



"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"



Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."



He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"



Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving t hem around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...



A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

FIRST PAY CHECK
>
>
>
> Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a
> little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you
> believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of
> our time.
>
> A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a
> construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
>
> The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in
> all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day
> observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them
> gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project
> mascot.
>
> They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and
> lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make
> her feel important.
>
> At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
> envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this
> home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration
> and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to
> the bank the next day to start a savings account.
>
> When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked
> the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a
> young age.
> The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew
> building the house next door to us."
>
> "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on
> the house again this week, too?"
>
> The little girl replied, "I will if those a**holes at Home Depot ever
> deliver the f**king sheet rock....."
>

These are good, I just about spit Iced Tea all over the screen!!!!!
ROTFLMAO

The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who
had previously divorced 10
husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be
gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can
that be if you've been married ten
times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how great it
was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he
was never really sure how it was
suppose to function; but he said he'd look
into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he
said that everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the
system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even
though he knew he had the order, he
didn't know when he would be able to
deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer,he
understood the basic process but he wanted
three years to research, implement, and
design a new state of the-art
method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he
thought he knew how but he wasn't
sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he
had a product, he was never sure
how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did
was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did
was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he
ever did was...........
God I miss him.

"But now that I've married you, I'm so
excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED."