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Thread: scared

  1. #1
    Olympic Champ r.payton@att.net's Avatar
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    Default scared

    I don't believe in a loving caring god anymore -haven't since they dragged me out of my house and put me with DFC...

    I go in next Friday for another shoulder surgery ...it is that or live my life in agonizing pain or in a haze from pain killers ...here is my point -I KNOW my shoulder is horribly messed up and can never be totally repaired -I KNOW this -then why do I have to be in agony 24/7 ? I am on pain meds thet would knock down a rhino and they have stopped working so it's back to the operating room .
    when i left the hospital last week I went through the Oncology ward hoping this would put things in perspective -I left that ward wanting to blow my head off.

    What manner of being would create a creature knowing they would one day face CHRONIC pain with no hope ?

    I underwent the last surgery with optimism and determination -I am going on the table this time hoping I die .

    Suggestions -and please don't sat you 'll pray for me .God doesn't care.

  2. #2

    Default Re: scared

    r.payton, I do not know the story behind your shoulder injury, how long the pain has been unmanageable to you, and what your doctors are currently doing to attempt to manage it. If you could give a brief history I will give you my 2 cents worth. In my late 30's I went through a couple of years of cronic pain that never abated. It ate at me 24/7. I herniated 2 disks and ruptured another in a 35 foot fall off of a power pole onto a pile of rocks. There was no position that was comfortable, sleep was only an hour or two at a clip. I was unable to move without assistance and the pain was so severe that physical therapy was undoable. I churned through a dozen doctors over 2 years before I found one who put pain management as his first priority for my long term recovery. With a lot of trial and error he was able to find a regimine that controled the pain enough so I could begin to build my core and lower back muscles enough to take some of the strain off my lower back. Thirty pounds of weight loss followed and I got my life back. Five years after the accident I had a laser discectomy procedure done with excellent results. It is now twenty years later I am pain free, still climbing for a living and enjoying life. Your mental toughness is your primary weapon but your doctors need to be on top of your daily pain levels and be willing to be flexible in attacking it.
    I hope your sugery friday gives you some relief.

  3. #3

    Default Re: scared

    What's the story with your shoulder? What kind of surgery did you have last week? My older son had surgery for a labrum tear (and then two years later, did the same thing to the other shoulder). When he left the hospital he had an apparatus that pumped ice water through a pad that looked like bubble wrap. He had a pain pump - I'm not sure what was in it, but it went directly to the shoulder area.
    "All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind." -- Abraham Lincoln

  4. #4
    Olympic Champ r.payton@att.net's Avatar
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    Default Re: scared

    My first surgery was 2 years ago to rebuild my shoulder -I had a torn Labrum ,all rotator cuff muscles were gone , biceps tendon tear ,Arthritis and broken collarbone .Two weeks later at PT everything came apart . no surgeon would touch me cause there was nothing left to work with -now I take suboxone 8mg 4x daily and i stay confused . The procedure Friday wil be to cut away all small support muscles , replace the Humeral head with titanium alloy and stretch the deltoid over to replace the minor muscles-and this is to just get out of pain -I'll never have use of my shoulder again .
    I wouldn't go through with this if ''it'' weren't spreading down my arm . My hand and fingers stay swollen and my arm is beginning to bend at the elbow . Also my back spasms from the imbalance --what's really funny is if this procedure works they have to replace my knee . The right side of my body has betrayed me . This procedure is called ''the Copeland Method ''and has only been approved in the U.S.-it has been performed in England for over a decade .

  5. #5

    Default Re: scared

    I cannot help you with your loss of faith - I went to Viet Nam with questions, and got all the answers I needed about a loving, caring god in that country. (Those who say there are no atheists in foxholes have never been in a foxhole, or have, at the least, never met me.) But I can speak to you about pain.
    I cannot feel yours. Only you can. I, and others (see above) HAVE felt and dealt with pain. Your doctors need to make pain management their primary focus. There are even specialists in pain management. Find one.
    You are a wrestler. We pride ourselves in doing what others can't. You can do this! I have faith in your ability. The other members of this board believe in you. How can we, without ever have met you? Because you have exposed yourself to us, let us know a little of who you are - and because we know you are a wrestler. Wrestlers overcome. You can overcome this - with the help of your doctors, and the support of your loved ones and friends.
    I am a couple of thousands miles from Danville, Indiana (thank the gods), but let me know if there is anything I can do. I may be facing surgery in a couple of months, and if so I will call on you. Stay strong. Believe in yourself.

    R.I.P. Cyrano and Roxanne.

  6. #6

    Default Re: scared

    Damn, you have a tough road to follow. I am assuming they have you on suboxone due to long duration opiate treatment for your pain. I do not know how well it is working for you as compared to what they tried in the past but if it does not work as well I have heard of a combination of suboxone during waking hours and oxy at bedtime. Not sure if this is an option for you but bounce it off of your medical team and see what they say. They need to find a way to abate your cronic pain to give you back your life and mental health. Let them know the changes in your outlook between your first surgery and now. American health care is not agressive enough in the treatment of chronic pain due to Fed oversight and malpractice but with a team concept they seem more willing to try more options. The following link will take you to the American Chronic Pain Assoc 2008 pain tratment medication list: http://www.theacpa.org/documents/ACP...08%20Final.pdf Implant pain medication treatment has also been making great strides. Might be worth looking into.
    The Copeland surface replacement arthroplasty procedures seem to be having a good success rate in the UK even among the elderly but your case appears to be at the extreme end as far as damage going in. I hope it gives you some relief.
    After your procedure your will need to increase and balance your core strenght to allieviate the back spasms and prevent injury to other body parts . I have some good material when you reach that point. Please keep us up on how this works out for you. I know that you said that you do not want to hear that you will be in our prayers but you will be in my thoughts.

  7. #7

    Default Re: scared

    Wow. Sounds like you're in for the long haul. But it seems like you are pretty far in the process. Are you confidant with your doctors and your care? Hope so. I don't know what we can do for you except offer you our encouragement, so keep us informed about what's going on.
    "All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind." -- Abraham Lincoln

  8. #8

    Default Re: scared

    Just one more thought on this. Thanks to Jensen, Schlottke, the moderators and the members too for making this forum a real community where people can connect and care and whatever.
    "All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind." -- Abraham Lincoln

  9. #9

    Default Re: scared

    I found this UK link specializing in shoulders. It has some good material and surgical manuals including work by Copeland. I do not know if it will give you any answers but the more you know the better the questions you can ask you surgical team.
    http://www.shoulderdoc.co.uk/education.asp?section=55

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