Greatest Invention of the 20th Century

[Spider]

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Just cleared 8" off the driveway effortlessly. More expected tonight.

[pm01]

I envy you. We're in the Twin Cities and I've moved every inch of this year's snow off our driveway hand. I hope to add a picture like this to the "Post your latest purchase" thread. But alas for now its just my scoop and me.

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PS. So I scoop several times during the heavy snowfall. Inevitably as soon as I finish the city snowplow comes by and throws several inches halfway back up my driveway and leaves a 2 foot pile across the entrance...putting me back to the scooping board.

[Schlottke]

I envy you. We're in the Twin Cities and I've moved every inch of this year's snow off our driveway hand. I hope to add a picture like this to the "Post your latest purchase" thread. But alas for now its just my scoop and me.

PS. So I scoop several times during the heavy snowfall. Inevitably as soon as I finish the city snowplow comes by and throws several inches halfway back up my driveway and leaves a 2 foot pile across the entrance...putting me back to the scooping board.

Whenever they did that to me I used to plow through it and just leave it there... lol.

[Gold]

I do a far better job than a snow blower can hope to. Not impressed.

[Spider]

I do a far better job than a snow blower can hope to. Not impressed.

If you had my shoulders and my back, you'd gladly sacrifice a little quality for the ease of removal.

[ban basketball]

I got this forwarded to me from a friend. BELIEVE ME, I never forward email jokes, which should give you some kind of idea as to how good I thought this one was.

Keep reading...your patience will pay off.

DIARY OF A SNOW
SHOVELER

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the
window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole
world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had! Shovelled for the first time in years and felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so
I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.. Such a
disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow
on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want
to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbour.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska ,
after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had
to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do
but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her. God I hate it when
she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing
to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the
damn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all
day. The dam snowplough came by twice. Tried to
find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it
done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45
minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the
winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
butthole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If
I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plough,
I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him
to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around
the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn
snowplough.

December 25
Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes
my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the
snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have
a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful
Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into
the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really
getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me
$1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My
WIFE is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and
now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken
snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to her
mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shovelling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the
bed?

[Spider]

Just removed 18 inches from the driveway and it's still coming down. I stand my my thread.

[pm01]

Just removed 18 inches from the driveway and it's still coming down. I stand my my thread.

Sounds fun actually.

I got home from work last to find my wife had shoveled the two inches of snow off our driveway. If she keeps doing that I may need to rethink my purchase.

[M Richardson]

It only got to 73 today, with the low tonight predicted to get down to the low 40s. I sure envy you guys your seasons. Must be wonderful - raking leaves in the fall and shovelling snow. Like living in the pictures on a calendar. Sure is boring here in Southern California.